this page is only for those that i trust the most and have the faith that they may understand me much more than other

out of sudden it being a month that i last write in here
time pass so fast that i did not really know what ia doing even thought for thepast month i can say that i learn alot more that what i learn for the past 2 years
i am glad that i know a fews friends in chruch but there is one that know abitmore than other abou me
but then looking back there are very little that i can say i open to them as iclose up

today is a strange day as i being very bur for the whole daybut then i seen toawake when i at the food court
out of sudden the past seen togo in and out of my mind the things of happy and sad thati spend with her
so in the end i decide go for a walk toclear my mind
but did not really help at all
but then want to find someone to share wth bt then decide not to as it is my own problem
i chatting my two friends at there but in the end i made a decide
A decide that will only take place when two thing happen
one is after my birthday
another one will be when .........................................................................................................
so for the time being i will keep my promsie thaT i made when i first come in here
may be it is a bad way but when it have to there may not be other way to take at all even if it may be strange that i made the decide as i may not do on a normal day or person but see how
the days ahead look like then i can say

suddenly i feel that i may decide not to go out on my birthday as it may not be a bad thing not going out with my friends as i feel like being alone funny me right
cant really think what will happen when it is so close but it is so far
no matter how i do
no matter what i think
no matter where am i
the problem will alway be there waiting for me